uic bfa class of 2020

I make paintings of my own body, as a way of depicting psychological states of duress, neuroticism, calm, narcissism, often couched in intimate domestic settings. I am compelled by intimate moments of mundane life that exaggerate my own perception of reality. The intimacy and slowness of taking a bath or laying in bed forces me to dissociate. Time becomes fuzzy and space becomes enclosed, My physical body is heavy and psychologically it allows me to exist before or after sleep, but never fully in or out of it. The work is heavy. It is slow. It takes from the viewer as much as possible. Looking is work.  
 I use oil paint and fabric that can be found in one’s bed, bathroom. I begin with a place: the bathroom, the bedroom, the bathtub, the bed. After that, I try to either photograph myself in a variety of positions or find some other way of controlling the light of the space I wish to depict. The photograph is the anchor holding onto the slippery, transient feelings I work to capture. From there, my paintings of these images fluctuate between layers of opposing colors; representation and abstraction move between foreground and background like colors complimenting one another. The paint is applied in dry wandering strokes that stop at unpredictable moments, leaving the image necessarily incomplete. 
 I suppose I paint because I would like to express something that cannot otherwise be incarnated. It seems trite to claim that as the sole reason I paint, but it is. Another reason I paint is that I enjoy it- that sounds better. I want to see a more truthful depiction of myself than what I see in the mirror or in a photograph. If I had to pick another reason, it would be that I feel as though painting gives me the most flexibility in molding an image to my liking. I can see the image unfolding in front of me and I can feel myself in it. I make these paintings because working is what allows me to process states of being that are tied to the transience of my body in space.